Diana Lumbrera was a great mom by all outward appearances. She had the unfortunate luck of losing all 6 of her children and 1 cousin before they reached age 5. Diana would have you believe this all occurred because of a curse. In the first part of the Munchausen Mommies series, you will hear that the lies told by Diana really did weave a tangled web.
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This is an amazing podcast and this episode was amazing. I just have one thing to say about your intro. I work with a number of people who counsel or provide therapy and sometimes we talk about the role of mothers in society. There’s huge social pressure on women to, not only be mothers, but to be the “ideal” mothers. Fathers are never represented in this light. Mothers are placed on a very high social pedestal and a small slip is a grevious crime. “Mothers are meant to be nurturers.” I am not at all vindicating abuse by a mother. But there are not meant to be anything at all. That’s the reality. Just as fathers are not meant to be anything specific either. As parents, they have a duty to ensure their children are nourished, cared for, protected, and develop a sense of self. But there’s no reason the entire responsiblity should fall on the woman; by which I mean, it is not helpful, and indeed, can be harmful to say what a mother should be exclusively. Messages in our society, like adverstisements have really tapped into the pscychology of women and exploit their worst fears and own expectations. The situations remains that we are expected to be mothers and adhere to have employment and social goals in a world where that structure is created by, and preferential to men. Mothers are still trying to be mothers and work and be all these things and advertising and marketing is still presenting them with this idol of a mother they must live up to being. Many women suffer depression and anxiety because they are not meeting this ridiculous standard. The care of children, I feel, is the responsiblity of parents, whether the parents are men and women, just men, just women, or a blended family of any variety. I understand why you framed your introduction as you did, and i’m not trying to take it down or criticise it. I make statements myself when I’m writing and then think, woah… hang on. And also, I don’t argue that the way we as society react to a mother harming her children does resonate differently because of this expectation on the mother and maternal nature or instinct. I often tell my friends I’m the mom of the group or maternal. Perhaps, i’m just motivated to nurture differently. I am also a feminist and proud of that title. And I think our expectation on women may be a way to deflect from a tougher acceptance that we do not hold men accountable for their behaviour towards children in the same way because we know that the likelihood of violent or abusive behaviour in men is a lot higher statistically. We almost expect stories of parental abuse to be the story of a father, or step-father abusing children in one way or another. This, for me is the correct approach to any story of a mother or step-mother harming children. Not the insistence societal pressure on mothers to always be the one who nurtures or is always the one to kiss boo-boos, or always the one to remember school events, or always the one to make things better (although, mothers most often do), nor the denial that men can do all of the above (and often do), but that it is counter to both our experience, crime statistics, and “instinct” that the aggressor or violent party be the woman, and not the man. By doing this, we are remaining true to life experience, not perpetuating myths, and not offending women who do their best to raise their kids but don’t look like those mothers on TV who manage to get everything right all the time and are perfect. They are still doing a great job as a parent. I must repeat that I love the podcast and I love the episode and topic but the intro irked me a lot. XXX
Ursula, thank you so much for your feedback! I honestly never put much thought into it but, you’re right there is this pressure on women to be the perfect mom. I hope the intro didn’t detract too much from the story but, it’s a great opportunity for me to think a little more in depth about future intros. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be on the money every time but, I will make more of an effort. Thanks for the kind words about the show & for respectfully sharing your feedback! 💕